Archive for October, 2009

NUFC no longer for sale, Hughton given job permanently, Mike Ashley most wanted man in Newcastle

October 28, 2009 is describing it as ‘the final insult’. I wish I could be so confident, because knowing Mike Ashley there is probably still far worse to come.


Fat Cockney Bastard

Last night was a new low for me as a Newcastle United supporter. Admittedly, I am fortunate enough to have only grown up as a fan in the Premier League era, but you’d be hard pushed to find a more farcial, disgusting ownership of a football club in the history of football.

Where there used to be dissatisfaction, annoyance and then contempt, there is now all-out open hatred between the owner and the fans. Actual hatred – I am not using that word lightly. Make no mistake about it, he hates us too.

First of all, Chris Hughton. This man is not a manager. In footballing terms he is a nobody, and he probably can’t believe his fucking luck. He has Mike Ashley to thank for this opportunity. Look, he even said so himself yesterday:

“I thank Mike and Derek for their support and will be doing everything in my power to get the Club back into the Premier League at the first time of asking

If I was given a job that I was less than qualified to do, paying me more than 5 times the salary I should be on, would I fuck ever question my employer. I’d keep my head down and thank my lucky stars. This is what we can expect from Hughton. In January he will be told that there is no money for transfers and that he must raise transfer funds from selling players. He will sell a couple of our biggest assets (Nolan and Steven Taylor) but at the last minute he will be told that he will only be given a couple of million of the £12m received, which will be spent on absolute shite. Hughton will not question this, in the same way Joe Kinnear did not question it last January. Its all so very predictable.


Dunno what the fuck he's so happy about

From a footballing point of view, Hughton has not done enough to warrant being given the job. The football at times this year has been absolutely appalling. That he has been offered the job now, in the midst of this bad run, and not weeks ago after beating Ipswich 4-0, is typical of Mike Ashley. A man who does not know anything about football sees that we are top of the table and assumes everything must be rosy. I know that because I get countless bores (who know as little about football as Mike Ashley) in my local telling me that Hughton must be doing a good job because we’re top – as if that tells the whole story.

Cardiff and QPR are scoring for fun. West Brom are solid and Boro will be more of a threat now that Strachan is there. At best, we are 5th favourites now for an automatic spot – and that’s assuming that we don’t lose half the team in January. Like I said the other day, I am not being over the top when I say that our promotion hinges entirely on our ability to get Steven Taylor and Coloccini fit again for the rest of the season.

Ok, second of all, the club is off the market. Like we were ever on it! Newcastle United was never going to be sold for £100m, not a chance. No one else is as stupid as Mike Ashley. In 2006, Aston Villa were sold to Randy Lerner for approximately £60m. That’s a solid, well run Premier League club with no debt and a stable wage bill. What on Earth made Ashley think he could get £100m for a Championship club with an unsustainable wage bill and an untalented squad? Quite simply, Ashley knew the club would not be sold. Most people suspected it all along, but now it is undeniable. If he really wanted a quick sale, as he said, he would have lowered the asking price until a buyer was found. That he did not budge says everything. The ‘sale’ of the club was the smokescreen that allowed him to sell anyone he could, not buy any replacements and leave Alan Shearer in limbo. His intention all along was to see if we could achieve promotion without a penny of investment. Somehow, he may still achieve that goal. He certainly does not deserve it.

So what about Alan Shearer? As if we didn’t already know, we can now be certain that this was another lie from Derek Llambias:

“We want him to be the manager 110%

He’s very good at what he does and he’s a straight-talking guy – we like that. He’d be the perfect appointment.”

Mike Ashley and Alan Shearer had a meeting in the immediate aftermath of our relegation, and Mike Ashley did not like what he heard. Alan Shearer obviously set out a plan and, presumably, it was going to cost Ashley too much money. Alan Shearer wanted what was best for Newcastle United but Ashley couldn’t have that. Alan Shearer wanted to keep Bassong and Beye, but Ashley knew he would be able to sell the pair of them for 13-14m. Alan Shearer had a list of targets that he thought would be able to do a good job for us in the Championship, but again, it would have cost Ashley more money. The whole excuse that they didn’t want to appoint him, incase a new owner wants someone else in the job was utter bullshit. To be fair, most Newcastle fans realised this. My hope now is that Alan Shearer reveals all about Mike Ashley. He’s been keeping tight-lipped all Summer – not wanting to jeopardise the possibility of him getting the job – but now that he has been ignored for the last time, there is no need for it. He owes it to the fans. Unfortunately, very little is actually known about the inner-workings of Mike Ashley. The Kevin Keegan court case was fascinating, in that it confirmed everything we thought about the dealings of the man. Now, Shearer needs to stand up and be counted.

On the issue of this ‘£20m’ investment that we can expect. Never have I heard such utter tripe in all my life. I’ll only believe it when I see it on the fucking football pitch in the form of new signings. What bullshit. The nerve of the man, the fucking nerve. How he dare inform the press of his intention to invest £20m as if to say he is some sort of hero, is beyond me. He owns the football club, its what owners are supposed to do. You don’t get other football club owners declaring to the media exactly how much they are putting in. What’s even worse is that certain cocks at Sky are falling for it hook, like and sinker.

Yes, that’s right. I’m talking about David Craig. North-East football correspondent? Fuck me. Mike Ashley propaganda minister more like. I had the displeasure of seeing this slimy little rat on Sky Sports News this morning, launching an all-out defence of Mike Ashley. I couldn’t believe my fucking ears. Apparently we should be grateful that he has invested £20m. Yeah, thanks Mike Ashley. My fucking hero. Apparently he and Llambias spent time at the training ground this week and the one thing that the players and fans wanted was ‘stability’, and he’s delivered that. Yet another thing to be grateful for eh?! Fuck me. When the Sky Sports News presenter came back at him by saying that and the emails from supporters they’ve been getting suggest that Newcastle fans are livid and see this as the final straw, Craig responded by saying ‘well there’s 47,000 different opinions and the one thing that all Newcastle fans want is Premier League football so I am sure they will get back behind the team’. Fuck off. I can assure him that there is 47,000+ people that would not piss on Mike Ashley if he were on fire. For far too long, companies like Sky (and David Craig in particular) have been in the pocket of Mike Ashley. Sky have even employed Dennis Wise as a pundit recently, giving him a platform to spew his bullshit. What a joke organisation.

And finally, the naming rights to St.James’ Park… Well, what can be said? If Mike Ashley thinks that he can re-name our stadium then he needs to wake up. We will not allow it. Would I fuck pay to go and see Newcastle United play in the Sports Direct Arena, the Greggs Stadium or fucking Pizza Hut Park. I hope I would not be alone in those sentiments. I hope that at Bramall Lane on Monday night the Newcastle fans in attendance let that fat fuck have it.


Newcastle United 2 – 1 Doncaster Rovers

October 26, 2009

NUFC TEAM: Harper, R Taylor, Kadar, Khizanishvilli, Enrique, Guthrie, Butt, Nolan, Gutierrez (Tozer 87), Harewood (Ranger 60), Carroll

They say that winning whilst playing badly is the sign of a good team – well we must be fucking brilliant. Somehow – and I mean somehow – we scraped to a 2-1 victory over Doncaster on Saturday and Newcastle United must be the worst team to be leading their league in the whole of Europe at the moment… along with Rangers.

Does fuck all for 90 minutes and then that. Like a lesser Arshavin.

Does fuck all for 90 minutes and then that. Like a lesser Arshavin.

Just a quick note. Boro were one point behind us when they sacked Gareth Southgate. Yet at that same time we were on the verge of giving our manager the job permanently. Are expectations at the two clubs that far apart? Really? Boro were in a decent position – promotion was certainly still a possibility – but Steve Gibson is a fairly smart man and he recognises that Boro’s performances have not been good enough, and a swift managerial change could be all it takes to guarantee that they are in the Premier League again next season. Then look at our fat, dribbling moron of an owner. Hughton is cheap and will do what Ashley says. It’s a no-brainer. Ashley is so stupid, that he isn’t even contemplating not going up this year. If he had, he would see that he won’t even be able to give the club away next Summer if we don’t go up. Our promotion is far from secure, and that’s not even taking into consideration the likelihood that anyone that can be sold in January, will be sold by Ashley.

Anyway, back to the game. Yet more injuries to the defence (this time Simpson) meant that Kadar was given a first league start in the middle with Khizanishvilli, whilst Smith’s suspension gave a start to Nicky Butt. Simpson’s injury was arguably a blessing in disguise, as he is clearly not a centre back. However, I’m not sure whether he is better or worse in that position than Khizanishvilli. Either way, Kadar is probably a better option than the both of them, despite him being at fault for the Doncaster goal, scored by Shiels after 18 minutes. But how do you pick a preferred pairing out of Kadar, Simpson and Khizanishvilli? All three are appalling. To point out the obvious, we need Taylor and Coloccini back asap. Its not going too far to say that our promotion hinges on it.

One item of controversy from Saturday is the booing that accompanied Marlon Harewood when substituted in the 60th minute. It is generally accepted that booing your own players is low, right? What about players on loan? No, still unacceptable, so I’m not going to blindly defend the Newcastle fans. But, Harewood was pretty fucking atrocious by all accounts. But that on its own is not enough to boo a player. He certainly isn’t the first player to put in a disappointing performance this season. However, the problem with Harewood is what his loan signing represents. It represents the complete lack of investment on the part of our beloved owner. Harewood is a bit of a laughing stock. Its unfortunate for the bloke. He’s been tagged as a poor man’s Heskey – not helped by actually being Heskey’s un-used understudy at Villa. The sad truth is that he just isn’t a very good player. He had a couple of good years at Forest and West Ham – but that was a while ago now. He went on loan to Wolves last season in the Championship and was pitiful. Villa and Wolves fans can’t stand the bloke. But one thing that you would think you would always get from him is a strong work ethic – but apparently not based on the evidence of Saturday.

The majority of Newcastle fans are not stupid. We know that there is no money being made available to Chris Hughton, but was Harewood really the best he could do? He’s not good enough for Newcastle United, even in this division. What was so infuriating though about his performance on Saturday was that there was an infinitely better player on the bench (Ranger). Fortunately he came on after an hour and we subsequently scored 2 goals. It wasn’t a coincidence. So is it bad to boo a player in a Black and White shirt? Yes, of course. But if that booing has the desired effect on the management and Ranger is given a start alongside Carroll in the next game then so be it. The fans have been ignored for far too long at this club now and things are at breaking point. We have a despised owner who has yet again failed abysmally to sell the club (to the point that it seems obvious that he never had any intention of selling in the first place) and a lame duck is on the verge of being appointed permanent manager. I’m certainly not going to begrudge any Newcastle fan who lets their frustration boil over in the form of booing a player that clearly does not want to be at our club, especially when you consider that there are far more dedicated, hard working youngsters on the bench.

What about the good points? Well, Nolan scored again and Carroll scored a bloody brilliant goal. Yes, he missed a sitter on Saturday but his all round performance is ever-improving. Astonishingly, I have seen a couple of people on various messageboards voice their concerns about the ability of Carroll and more notably, Ranger. Mental. These players are just kids. The job we are asking of them is an unfair one. Young players should be brought through gradually in a stable environment. Carroll should not be asked to lead the line at his age, but he’s doing it happily and he’s doing it well. I fear that they’ll be a few teams sniffing around him in January.

Talking of strikers, what is going on with Lovenkrands? He is one of the few players we have left that are good enough to play in the Premier League, yet he’s being criminally wasted. Our treatment of him over the Summer was nothing short of a disgrace, and it gives me no pleasure to see that things aren’t any better for the bloke this year. I’ve said before that he’s a striker, not a winger. And I stand by that. But he’s a better winger than Gutierrez, of that I’m certain. I honestly think that I am sometimes living on another planet when I see Jonas Gutierrez starting for Argentina in a must-win World Cup qualifier alongside players like Messi and Higuain, with the likes of Tevez on the bench. Mental. He is fucking garbage. Drop him from the first team and then we’ll see just how desperate he is to get into that Argentina World Cup squad next summer. Because whilst Maradona might be happy to pick him so long as he’s starting every week in the Championsip, he sure as hell won’t pick him if he’s on our bench. Put him on the bench and he’ll be off like a shot in January – along with his extortionate wages. Along with Butt and Geremi, he is one of the three players that I wouldn’t mind clearing off. Our squad is threadbare and I still want rid of him. If we don’t have any wingers coming through the academy with a little bit of pace and the ability to cross a ball or shoot on target, then we might as well close the fucking place. Of course, we probably do have someone like that but what we do not have is a manager brave enough to select them.

Finally, will someone please tell Chris Hughton that Danny Guthrie is not a fucking winger. I am sick to death of seeing him out there. He is probably our most creative player and he should be first choice reserve central midfielder behind Smith and Nolan. Geremi and Butt have no business playing in the centre of our midfield – they are woeful.

MOTM: God. I doubted his existence but I have seen the light. There is no fucking way that we would have ever won that game without some form of divine intervention.

Scunthorpe 2-1 Newcastle United – What Next?

October 20, 2009

NUFC Team: Harper, R Taylor, Simpson, Khizanishvilli, Enrique, Geremi, Guthrie, Smith, Gutierrez, Nolan, Carroll

Where next for Newcastle United? The more cynical fans among us have been predicting this collapse for a while. Make no mistake – we are fucked.

Scunthorpe?! Fuck me

Scunthorpe?! Fuck me

We have an owner who genuinely despises both the club and the fans. Great start. He has a bit of money – certainly enough to build a side good enough to achieve promotion – but he has no intention of ever putting another pound into Newcastle United. Out of spite, he would probably rather see the club rot and plummet down the divisions than sell us for anything less than what he perceives to be a reasonable amount. He was asking for £100m. Ludicrous. No one was going to pay that – we all knew it. And you have to wonder whether he did too. A proven liar. A proven fool. He holds nothing but contempt for everything Newcastle. Knowing he was never going to get £100m, selling up in the summer was never on the cards. Appointing Alan Shearer was never on the cards. Appointing David O’Leary or Terry Venables was on the cards. It was only ever going to be Hughton or Kinnear – two poor, bargain basement managers that could tell Ashley his bum didn’t look big when he wanted to hear it.

Which brings me on to Hughton. He’s not a manager, and he never will be. I don’t feel sorry for him. He must know he’s not up to the job, but he’s going to take it anyway – of course he is. Just like Ricky Sbragia at Sunderland last season. Just like Glenn Roeder a few years ago. These men are plucked from obscurity and given the opportunity of a lifetime – a caretaker position. They probably can’t believe their fucking luck. They get a few results – usually more to do with the players pulling together than anything else – and the owners get carried away. ‘Fuck me, we’ve unearthed a gem of a manager here, like’. Except you haven’t, have you? It’s the same shit every time. Give the caretaker manager the job and watch the arsehole of the team fall out. This time, Ashley was even fortunate enough to see the performances go to shit before offering Hughton the job, but clearly it was not plain enough for Ashley to see (this is a 7 year old in a fat man’s body, remember).

Injuries to Taylor and Colo? Fuck off. Any team that does not even have one centre half as cover has only themselves to blame if injuries strike. Hughton should have signed one – and no, Simpson and Khizanishville do not count.

Two and a half years ago, Sir Bobby was told by his good friend Jose Mourinho that Geremi possessed the knees of an old man. Sir Bobby kindly relayed this information to Newcastle manager at the time, Sam Allardyce, but he did not listen. After 2 years of nothing but disgustingly bad performances, he is still getting a game for us. Oh yeah and he’s on £50k+ a week. Useless tosser. But then its not him that selects himself is it? If Hughton is looking at Geremi and thinking that he is good enough to play for Newcastle United, then on that basis alone he is not fit to manage a Football League club in my opinion.

Running a football club is not fucking rocket science. If you are not a business expert, or you are not a football expert, employ people that are. I hate to say it, but look at Sunderland. At the moment, and I repeat – I hate to say it – they are everything a well run football club should be. Niall Quinn is a tremendous chairman. Rightly or wrongly, he stuck by his man Roy Keane. He backed him fully and unquestionably. Keane walked out, Sbragia happened, they barely stayed up and then in the summer he had a lot of work to do. Remember, we could quite easily have escaped by the skin of our teeth, the same way Sunderland did. Does anyone think that we would have addressed our problems as efficiently and as professionally? Of course not. Steve Bruce was rapidly appointed. A very good, improving Premier League manager. A North-East man. A manager with a great record in the transfer market. Targets were identified. Not all of them came off – Peter Crouch notably – as he suffered from the same problems as us over the years, namely, attracting players to the North-East. But they stuck at it. Look at some of the players Bruce was able to bring in – Bent, Cana, Cattermole, Turner. It makes you sick, doesn’t it? Niall Quinn is not an expert in business. But he knows his football. And he knows that the most important think to do as a football chairman is to get the right manager in. Do that, and everything else takes care of itself. It has now been over a year now since Newcastle United have had a proper manager. For some reason, Mike Ashley doesn’t think its important. I’m just exhausted thinking about it.

Where now for Newcastle United? Fuck knows. I’m sick of it. The club don’t deserve its support. They have had the unwavering loyalty of the Newcastle United fans for years and years. They have squandered it. In hindsight, there should have been a boycott. It was perhaps the only way Ashley would ever have gotten out in the Summer. As it is, the Newcastle fans’ loyalty has persuaded him that there might just be a way out. I’m disappointed to see Newcastle fans in the yellow away shirt, sure. But I’m not surprised and I can’t hold it against them. But I can’t help but feel that Ashley has gotten away with it. Criminal.

Oh yeah, and Martyn Woolford scored both the goals for Scunthorpe, either side of a Kevin Nolan goal. Big whoop. I’ve never even heard of him. But at least I won some money on Lyon tonight. No consolation but at least I can put the money towards some rope to hang myself.

MOTM: Woolford, who else?